Afraid of being judged by others when singing? How to get past this?

singing inner-game Jul 25, 2018

Are you afraid of being judged by others when singing?  Does it feel difficult to learn singing when you're surrounded by peers who make fun of your voice instead of encouraging or helping you?

"It feels like being a fat person at the gym who's trying to get in shape and instead of people cheering you on, they simply laugh at you for trying to make yourself a better person."

That's how one singer described his story about being bullied and judged for his singing.  You can really feel his pain.

Then he goes on to say:

"I see this happen all the time to people. Makes me feel sad. Happened to me so much before. It impacted my life growing up. Made me discouraged sometimes. It's really stressful when someone bullies you just because you don't know how to sing high.  Why don't they try to help instead of put me down?

Feels like a competition on the internet these days. If you can't sing high then you're out of the club.  Everyone wants to sing high but I just want to sing for fun and just like what I do.  I just want to be happy with what I can do with my voice regardless of range or how loud I can get with it.

I just want to be able to learn the lyrics to a song I like, learn the notes, and make something beautiful out of it with what I can do at the present moment."

Can you relate to any of this?  How do you get past it?

This is what I wrote to him:

Here's the thing brother, if you keep casting your mind back to when so-and-so wronged me and when that guy said that to me etc. you're going to just keep staying in this discouraged, bitter, sad cycle.

You can't get to where you want to be by constantly thinking about the bad things.  You've gotta live in a completely different wave-length.  Like seriously, you know how those celebrities who achieve fame too quickly have a big meltdown? It's often because they aren't ready psychologically and emotionally to deal with the barrage of mindless troll opinions that everyone has. I mean seriously, check out any video on youtube and read the comments.  Even if the video is actually well received, you would never know it because usually it's the haters who are the LOUDEST!!  Everyone has a comment and often times people only comment when they have something to point out that they didn't like as opposed to pointing out what they did like.

Some people take pleasure in pointing out the negatives. And you've gotta just rise above that and be the guy who lives in the positive, even when you're surrounded by the EVIDENCE of people saying stupid shit. Even when that's happening you can't let that "belief" take hold, you have to brainwash yourself into only holding your mind in that awesome positive state you get into when you're doing something and feeling something you LOVE. 

You know when you said "I just want to be able to learn the lyrics to a song I like, learn the notes, and make something beautiful out of it with what I can do at the present moment."  That right there, that's your positive momentum starting to shine through there.  When you do that, you get into an uplifted, joyful state.

You know that state? When you're in the zone, and everything feels great? Then you get smashed out of that state when you're around certain people? It's time to take responsibility and stop LETTING people take you out of that state. "Oh he said this and HE MADE ME FEEL THIS WAY" 

No!

CHOOSE right NOW, to decide, that NO ONE gets to "make you feel" a certain way.  It's YOUR CHOICE to let someone "make you feel" a certain way!

Stop letting them do that. It's hard yes. But it can be done. And it's the only real way to be happy in my opinion, Because if you try to please people by jumping through their hoops thinking they'll leave you alone once you fulfill their requirements well....guess what....they'll come up with a whole NEW set of requirements that you have to fulfill!!!!

So what am I saying?  Someone says something bad to you to just let it happen?  What I'm saying is, you can't change them.  You can't make them NOT say what they want to say.

But you CAN choose who you hang around with.  You CAN choose what you focus on in your mind.  Have you ever had someone saying stuff to you and you were just in a total different "world"?  You can do that.  You can shut out the things you don't want, and only focus on what you DO want.  And that's how you GET to the "DO WANT" things in life.

Here's an exercise for you, sit down with paper and pen like you're about to write lyrics. But what you do is envision your life THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO BE. So think about how you would love your life to be, doesn't matter how unrealistic it is. Just do it.

You might get images in your mind of like a private jet, a mansion, loving friends, a beach, whatever. Just write down those things. The only filter you're going to put on this is that you can't write down anything NEGATIVE. So if you're thinking like "no bad people in my life" that's a negative, you're pointing the attention to "bad people"... no, think "great people in my life".

Fill up an entire page or more of these things you're seeing... "endless amounts of money....beach house, great friends, incredible voice, " whatever it is. Just do it for 10 mins. You'll feel great.  The more vivid and more emotionally charged you get from it the more it will help teach you how to LIVE IN THIS STATE DESPITE WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND YOU. Good things happen when you're in this state. And then after this, you could even turn your ideas into a song.

If someone in your life says things that "make you feel" horrible, you can't really change them.  But you CAN change yourself.  You can not associate with them.  You can surround yourself with better people.

Hope this helps!

Phil Moufarrege

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