Don't be afraid of singing with strain, sounding ugly and making mistakes

Don't be afraid of singing with strain, sounding ugly and making mistakes.

Your voice is not just “something to be fixed”

It’s not an obstacle to be overcome.

If you see it as that, then you will be missing the entire point of why you are struggling with your voice.

You’re struggling not because you’ve been cursed. The struggle is an opportunity to actually build a deeper relationship with yourself.

So many people fear their voice. They are afraid of straining their voice, afraid of exploring new sounds and new things. Afraid to “sound bad”

The thing is though, that the deeper transformation occurs when you actually start to embrace these things and venture into “unknown territory”.

Many people think that if singing feels effortful, sounds bad and leaves their voice tired that they are “doing something wrong” and so they run away from those things.

But often times, the weaknesses that are holding you back from experiencing effortless singing are addressed through exercises that will have you making ugly, effortful sounds.

So do we still label this as "straining"?

The curiosity to venture into the unknown should be what brings you joy. The excitement of exploration.

These traits are what I see lacking heavily in the “singing technique world”. They are afraid of “making a mistake” of “being wrong” of “straining their voice”.

This will limit you to what you think you know. When the answers actually lie in the unknown.

It takes courage to venture into the unknown, but the real value lies in developing a relationship with you, your body and your voice. Learning to trust your voice.

Many times, students of mine would ask me about my own journey figuring out my voice. And as I would tell them my own struggles and how I was stuck on something for years that I was able to help them with in just minutes they’d be shaking their head going “I couldn’t imagine going through that, how on earth did you have the motivation, patience and tenacity to keep going when you were confused and nothing was working?”

And I realized that I never felt like I “needed” grit, tenacity or motivation. It never felt “draining” to me. I actually had an endless supply of curiosity and desire to keep experimenting until I found the answers. And I would get excited whenever I saw a little ray of light that made me feel like I was on the right track. I had an enthusiasm for the process of learning to sing, not just getting my problems fixed or “waiting for the end result”.

And this is what I believe to be key to success in learning how to sing - it’s not just about “getting the right answers to the technique” and I’ll tell you why.

What sticks out to me is a lesson I had with a student who was miserable about an issue he was stuck on for months. I helped him solve it in about 15 minutes, and I was almost waiting for his face to light up with joy...but it didn’t. He still had a miserable look on his face. And I said to him “I’ve never seen a winner look so miserable”. 😁

It was tongue in cheek and a joke, and we both laughed together, but that stayed with me. It revealed to me that it’s “not enough” to just have your vocal problems “fixed”, and it’s not enough to “win”...if your internal relationship with your voice and how you relate to the journey doesn’t shift and grow, then no amount of proof or success will “make you feel better”.

It can create MORE pain because as your external skills grow, your inner operating system lags behind. It’s like being a child in a Ferrari. The vehicle is powerful, but the driver is still immature.

I’ve seen people say to me “Phil I’ve never been able to reach the A4. If I could only just touch that once I’d be over the moon and I could die a happy man.” I always say to people who talk like that “let’s wait and see 🙄.”

Why?

Because what always happens? We get to that A4 and immediately what’s the first thing out of their mouth?

It’s not “wow I can’t believe I did this”

It’s always “yeah but I can’t (do some other thing)”

There’s NOTHING wrong with wanting more.

You should ALWAYS want more.

That’s how you grow.

But if you can never celebrate your wins, never feel that joy and excitement of taking the step up to the next level, then you’re going to be a miserable winner.

Let’s enter 2026 with more curiosity, desire to explore the unknown, courage, enthusiasm and elasticity. These are traits of youthfulness.

This “inner game” of transforming the self is deeply intertwined in the vocal training I help people with in my mentorship programs and lessons. If you would like to work with me on a deeper level please click here to learn more about what that can look like.